Distant Proximity
by animeninjaNIPPON
Summary: Johnny gets depressed again and tries to remain cold, despite some persuasion from a manifestation. When he feels the need for affection again, his attention turns to one he could never immortalize... [SLASH Nnyolder!Squee]
1. Nostalgia and Nachos

By animeninjaNIPPON

OK, here's another JtHM fic from my deviant mind... This one will eventually be slash, so if you don't like, don't read. **NNY/SQUEE ALERT - CONSIDER YOURSELF OFFICIALLY WARNED!**

That said, clearly I'm not Jhonen Vasquez, meaning that I try to keep everyone in character but I cannot do so every single freakin' sentence. I don't own Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, Squee, Invader Zim, etc. (No IZ crossover here - I just added that last one in 'cuz I'm used to writing for that fandom.)

Also, this fic was somewhat inspired by the song "You Get What You Give" by the New Radicals. I don't own that either, but if you know the song, look for references to that and some JtHM Easter eggs as well.

* * *

_"This whole damn world can fall apart  
You'll be OK, follow your heart  
You're in harm's way, I'm right behind  
Now say you're mine..."_

- The New Radicals, "You Get What You Give"

The door of house 777 opened with a creak, and blood formed a pool where each strange leather boot stepped in. Blood-and-rain-soaked Johnny C. slammed the door behind him just as lightning lit up the midnight sky.

"You killed her," came the unmistakable voice of Reverend MEAT.

"I...immortalized the moment." There was a pang of guilt in the thin man's voice. He hadn't wanted to relapse like this. He had gone away to avoid those feelings, that temporary lust for affection, but Rev. MEAT had tricked him into needing it again. That feeling - more powerful than pseudoephedrines or methamphetamines, or any other drug (not that Johnny succumbed to such vices) - could never last. She, with her black-streaked platinum blonde hair and her tendency to lure manic-depressive men, had told Johnny that he was the best she'd ever had, the best she ever would have. Before she could give him an empty physical touch, he plunged a knife into her bosom, then another into her back. She never made another comment.

"You can't dwell on the memories of what was," Rev. MEAT continued. "You have to feel the moment as it happens; live in the here and now."

At this, Johnny's mood changed dramatically. "Fuck that! In order to do THAT, I'd have to find even MORE of them! And this world is so full of ugly assholes, there would be nothing left! And why do I fucking deserve something so beautiful?"

"That's your problem, Nny. You can't enjoy what is."

"What the FUCK is that supposed to mean?" Johnny started, then felt something in his body shift. "I need a brainfreezy!"

With that, he was out the door again.

-----

He arrived at the 24/7 still covered in blood and rainwater, much to the horror of the sales clerk. As he went to get his freezy, he thought about what Rev. MEAT said. Perhaps if Nny didn't kill them off at the climax of their relationships, more happiness would ensue... And they never fought back, which led Johnny to think that maybe they weren't worth it after all.

Actually, one did fight back - kicked Johnny's ass and escaped, to put it bluntly. The event sparked something deep within Johnny. At first he thought it was head trauma, but it turned out to be a greater need for that girl - Devi D. She had been more perfect than the others, but the last time he called her (which was as soon as he got back from his "holiday") he got a three-toned ring informing him that the number had been disconnected.

And then there was his infamous "holiday," which lasted all of three months. Three fucking months. Or maybe it was a year. It didn't really matter; the idea was that he couldn't take being away - it left him feeling emptier than before. He still killed jerks that pissed him off, so he said to himself, "What's the fucking point?" and came back.

Johnny picked up his brainfreezy and headed toward the clerk, but then he heard a loud "SQUEEEEE!" and the toppling of a thousand bags. He turned around.

There was a kid, maybe fifteen at the oldest (judging by appearance), with his hands to his mouth in surprise. He wore a long-sleeved shirt with vertical black-and-purple stripes and black boots similar to Johnny's. Johnny studied the teen and the knocked-over chip display carefully. He slowly made a connection...

"Senor Salsa!" He strode over to the pile of chips and grabbed a bag. The wide-eyed teen just stared on.

After paying for the snacks, he got into his car and drove home. He got caught by a red light at one intersection, and someone crossed the street in front of him. The rain against his windshield made it difficult to see clearly, even with the one working wiper going back and forth, but he could have sworn that the pedestrian was that same kid he saw back at the 24/7. Not that it carried any significance - all those narrow-minded assholes looked pretty much the same...

A car honked behind Johnny. "The light's green, you fucking faggot!"

Immediately, Johnny stepped out of his car. "What did you say?"

"Whoa, you're even skinny like a fag." The man from the other car had greasy blackish green hair and a pierced eyebrow.

Johnny reached into his car and retrieved a long, white rod. "You know, it's shit like you that makes me hate my life." He walked menacingly closer to the other guy, tapping his rod gently against his palm.

"Oh SHIT!" The other man swerved into the other lane and tore down the slippery road like there was no tomorrow.

Johnny got back into his car to follow that guy, but he caught sight of his brainfreezy and chips and quickly changed his mind. Not even caring that the light had turned red again, he drove home.

-----

"I see you're eating," Rev. MEAT said calmly. "You needed to satisfy your hunger."

"So?" Johnny gushed through a mouthful of chips.

"You care enough to satisfy your hunger. Maybe you should care enough to satisfy something else. People need people, Nny."

"Fuck you! I don't need you to control my life!"

"If you didn't, I wouldn't be here."

Johnny slurped the rest of his freezy and stared blankly at the television screen, which up to now he hadn't realized was on.

Some strange, unfamiliar commercial came on. Although it had nothing to do with the current thing on TV, a thought suddenly crossed Johnny's mind.

"Squeegee...that kid was Squee..."

"What? 'Squee'?" Rev. MEAT asked.

"Nothing. It's nothing. Leave me alone!"

End of part one


	2. 777 Memory Lane

By animeninjaNIPPON

Three hours later, Johnny was up again. He lay stretched across the floor with a pile of unfinished "Happy Noodle Boy" comics to his right as he wrote in his Die-Ary.

_Dear Die-Ary, I think that I'm lonely again. I fucking HATE feeling lonely. But feeling connected to someone is ten times worse. People...just keep taking away from my empty shell. Everyone I cared about just tore away from me, expecting more, always wanting comfort I could not give, not understanding that I can't give..._

Johnny twirled his pen around in thought, then scratched out the last line. _I WANT to give, _he rewrote. _I WANT to feel, but I can't, Goddamn it! Why don't you understand?_

"Hey," Rev. MEAT interrupted, "isn't that the commercial you like?"

"Huh?" Johnny perked his head up. "Oh yeah...it is..."

He abandoned his written musings in favor of watching that commercial where the whole family gets diarrhea. After all that time, they were still airing that advertisement - it was clearly a classic.

-----

The rain had ceased, and a few streets over, Todd Casil (better known to Johnny as "SQUEE") slept peacefully with the tattered remains of the stuffed bear he'd had since childhood. Although he had moved from his childhood home, his parents had not managed to dump him with any relatives or social workers, and thus he was dragged to an even shittier Hellhole to carry out his sentence of adolescence. Now he lived not so much as an angsty teen, but more of a jaded teen, sublimating any misery he had into his notebook of writings and drawings. Somewhere in his soul, he knew his parents resented his existence, but he chose to look past it for lack of a better life.

Squee did remember Johnny - remembered being terrified that the scary neighbor man would chop him up, or something along those lines. For some odd reason, it seemed like that man was trying to help Squee at times, and although he had attacked Shmee, he never actually hurt Squee...shown the kid some gruesome things, maybe, but never harmed him.

Come to think of it, that man he saw in the 24/7 that day looked a good deal like the homicidal maniac, with the strange boots and the brainfreezy, and the torn and bloody clothing -

Squee's eyes shot open in terror.

-----

Back at the "Heaven House," Johnny paced down the steps to one of the chambers that once held many of his deserving victims, but as of now, held only one.

"Look," begged the half-dressed, balding man, "I dunno what the fuck I did to you, but if you don't let me go, I'll call the cops!"

"Oh, but I can't let you go." Nny smiled a deranged smile. "You'd alert the police as soon as I let you go. Not that they could ever find me, 'cuz I never get caught."

"I'll call them right now!" he threatened. "Oh shit, that's right - I'm CHAINED TO A WALL!"

Brandishing a medium-length knife, Johnny swiftly sliced through both of the man's wrists as though slicing through a cloud. "Now you're not."

The man screamed in horror as he looked at his newly dismembered hands. In another deft blow, the man was decapitated.

After that ghastly business was done, Johnny headed up the stairs again. As he did, he could have sworn he heard a high-pitched shriek coming from the house next door, but he dismissed it as yet another manifestation of his pathos.

End of part two


	3. Late Night Rendezvous

By animeninjaNIPPON

Another night at the 24/7, maybe five hours until dawn. Squee was there again, this time of his own decision. The last time he had been there so late, he had been sent by his father: "If your going to stick around this fucking house, do something useful and go get me a beer." When the teen commented that there were none in the fridge, his parental then instructed him to "go out and get one," apparently oblivious to the fact that Squee was only seventeen (although he seemed younger). Now he was there because his folks were fighting again and he didn't want to stay long enough to become the scapegoat.

The clerk eyed him angrily. "You gonna buy something?"

"I-I'm still looking," Squee lied. He had no money with him, he had basically gone to the 24/7 because, as its name suggested, it was the only place open at that hour that admitted people under twenty-one.

"Well, look faster." Evidently, that clerk hadn't had a good night's sleep in a while.

"I'll just go." Stuffing his hands into the pockets of his slacks, he walked out and across the street.

As he trudged down the sidewalk toward his house, he passed one of those hot Gothic nightclubs where everybody wore black and did the same dance as everyone else in an effort to express their "individuality." The girl at the front of a long line to get in, who wore too much make-up and smoked a clove cigarette, was bitching about how some fat guy did not know how to wear a dress properly. Needless to say, Squee didn't look in her direction.

"You shouldn't be walking home alone this late."

Squee looked behind him. It was Johnny, standing with his hands behind his back. "I was going into that nightclub up there," the older man continued, "but I saw you and thought, 'A little Squee like that shouldn't be walking through this God-awful neighborhood by himself.' You really shouldn't, you know - so many worthless wastes of human bodies..." He glanced back at the club. "You weren't thinking of going in there, were you?"

"No," Squee replied. "I was just going home."

"Let me get my car - I'll take you. Just tell me which way to go."

The dark-haired adolescent wasn't about to tell a homicidal maniac where he lived. And if he let Johnny drive him home, they would most likely end up having to stop to let his escort teach some bastard a fatal lesson in not pissing Johnny off. "No thanks," he declined nervously. "I'm almost there. Just one more street." He tried to sound more polite and less argumentative, and he hoped Johnny would recognize the difference.

The latter glanced up at the late-night sky. "Well...OK." He turned and walked away, adding, "Just watch out for those hideous freak troll babies who will slit your throat and shoot up your blood."

That last comment made Squee's hair stand on end, and with a delicate "Squeek!" he ran home, slightly vowing to himself not to leave the house after 6pm anymore.

-----

"You're not happy anymore, Nny," Rev. MEAT had mentioned earlier that evening.

"When the fuck was I ever 'happy'?" Johnny snapped.

"Don't you remember..._her_?"

"...Devi?..." He paused thoughtfully.

"Yes, you told me about her. But there was another...she was even closer to you...I remember it clearly."

Johnny snapped out of his vague trance and stepped over to the statuette, hovering over it menacingly. "I would NEVER let someone get that close to me! I am not a slave to desire!"

"You've been telling me this for...almost a decade. Yet you still don't realize how badly you want to live normally."

"I DO want to live a normal life! I KNOW this! And I'm tired of listening to bullshit!"

"I'm only here to help you, Nny. And that's what I'm trying to do."

Johnny's expression softened. "What do you think I should do?"

"Go out. Have fun."

"You know what?" Johnny said, heading toward the door. "I think I will."

-----

He decided to head for the nightclub, so he parked his crappy little car in the 24/7 parking lot, and for once didn't run into any drunken assholes along the way. He plodded along, keeping to himself as much as possible, toward the long line of superficial pseudo-Goths desperately trying to free themselves from their self-inflicted oppression.

He hated to think about it, but he was beginning to wonder if Rev. MEAT had a point. Maybe in order to be happy, he did have to give in. But was leading a normal, shallow life really any better than living a life of depression and insanity?

Johnny closed his eyes briefly to relive his most recent immortalized moment. He felt nothing but a slight wave of contentment, but with each passing day and the increased moments of recalling blank periods of time, it was hard to recall the details properly anymore, or even remember that it actually happened. Was it all a dream? Impossible - he didn't sleep. Or maybe he slept without realizing it - that would explain the blackouts...

When he reopened his eyes, he noticed that he was across the street. A few feet ahead of him was a familiar-looking boy...

He followed the kid. It was Squeegee, all right - walking at the speed of the fatigued flow of time. That said, it didn't take long for Johnny to catch up...

"You shouldn't be walking home alone this late."

The pale teen turned his head and slowed to a stop.

"I was going into that nightclub up there," Johnny explained, "but I saw you and..."

He continued to warn Squee about the dangers of walking through such a fucked-up neighborhood alone, then offered the kid a ride, which he politely declined (though out of etiquette or anxiety, Nny couldn't tell). As he walked away, he heard Squee give a little "Squeek!" of fear and run away.

Completely foregoing the club and not even bothering to pop into the nearby convenience store, the maniac got into his car and drove home, backing over a squirrel as he left the parking lot.

When he got home, the first thing Rev. MEAT inquired was, "How was it?"

"I saw Squee again," Johnny responded in a vague, "shit happens" tone of voice.

"Squee..." Rev. MEAT repeated. "You've mentioned that name before. This is someone you know..."

"He was a neighbor of mine."

A look of nostalgia crossed the figure's plastic face, as though it was a long-lost memory. "That child who gave you the Band-Aids."

Johnny froze. "You remember..."

"Do you remember when he left?"

"I dunno." Johnny plopped down on the couch to watch some mindless TV.

"I do." Rev. MEAT's voice grew louder. "It was a long time ago. A can of Spagettios fell on your head, giving you a minor cut. You went to his house, but he wasn't there...And then..."

"You're lying!"

"No, I remember."

"You don't remember a fucking thing! It's MY memory, not yours! You're just putting shit in my head, just like the doughboys..."

Having lost his original thought, he turned up the volume on the TV.

End of part three


	4. Angsty Stuff!

By animeninjaNIPPON

The television flickered off and the room fell silent. Well, silent for two seconds...

"Listen to me, Nny."

Johnny whirled around to face the darkness. "Did you do that...?"

Rev. MEAT ignored the question. "You don't have to take my advice, but you should..."

-----

_Dear Die-Ary, _Johnny wrote, _more and more voices are telling me... _He crossed out "voices" and replaced it with nothing. _I remember Devi, and I told her why we couldn't be together. She got pissed, but not because I couldn't see her... If I had succeeded in immortalizing the moment that night she asked me out, none of this shit would be happening now._

Johnny paused his pen on the period of the last sentence, creating a giant inkblot. Then he skipped two pages in his Die-Ary and wrote, _Today I found a Skettio that looked like a Top Ramen noodle. _After that, he looked up. The television was on again, but one of his boarded up windows was busted through. "How did that happen...?"

It didn't take him long to remember: in a fit of rage, he'd thrown Rev. MEAT out the window. But that manifestation deserved it - the things he had said...

_Squee will understand..._

_A relationship awaits..._

_Friendship is not always bad... Sometimes friends can give you what you need..._

Fuck Rev. MEAT - fuck his theories on material shit like FEELING. Friends always betrayed... When they didn't, they were only there as vices, as tired attempts to fill such meaningless voids. The doughboys said they were Nny's friends, but they lied. NailBunny said it was Nny's friend, but it stopped talking. Edgar had been Nny's friend, and he was gone... All of them were gone.

Squee. Was he ever really Nny's friend? Even if he was, he wasn't around anymore, really... But he was nice; even know, untainted by the corruption of a soulless society...

All of a sudden, Johnny realized how quiet the house was. He couldn't hear Rev. MEAT, which scared him, because if Rev. MEAT was gone Johnny's other personalities would only manifest themselves into something new, and possibly worse. Plus, his thoughts were becoming disjointed and confusing.

With a slight creak, Johnny opened the door and peered out. Rev. MEAT was lying face-up in the loose soil, which was still partially moist from the previous rain spell. He picked up the figurine and carried him back to the house, placing him on a shelf next to a broken Magic 8-Ball.

For no particular reason, Johnny stepped into his little kitchen area and decided to heat up that box of microwaveable taquitos that was sitting in the freezer. He tore off the flaps that said "Open Here," but as he did, he felt something slice into the side of his hand.

"OH SHIT!" he fumed, throwing the taquito box against a wall. It was a paper cut - a CARDBOARD cut - running deep enough to draw blood. "What the HELL is in that cardboard?"

With his one uninjured hand he began yanking open drawers and toppling contents out of cupboards and shelves. "Where the FUCK are the Band-Aids?" he demanded.

End of part four


	5. Beginning of a Plot? Nah!

By animeninjaNIPPON

When Squee got home from hi skool the next day, he was exhausted. He entered his room, which was strangely askew, threw his backpack into his closet, and slammed the door shut.

"Hello, Squeegee," someone replied. It didn't take a genius to figure out from where and whom the voice had come from, but Squee glanced over at his bed anyway to find Johnny sitting there.

"SQUEEEEE!" the teen shrieked in high falsetto, jumping backwards and knocking over a lamp.

"Sorry about having to bother you like this," Johnny apologized, "but I cut my hand on a box of taquitos, and I couldn't find any Band-Aids, so I figured you had one. Took me a while to find your house, though..." He looked around the mess he created. "You weren't home, and I didn't know where you kept 'em...but I found one. See?" He held up his hand, which actually had three medium-sized adhesive medical strips wrapped around it. Squee wanted to ask Johnny if he was OK, but instead he gaped in horror.

"Anyhoo, I just wanted to let you know I wasn't robbing you or anything. I gotta go now - those taquitos are probably defrosted by now..." He started to slip out the window. (Out of force of habit, apparently, Squee hadn't bothered locking it in the first place.)

"Wait...Nny."

Johnny rotated his head until he could see the room again. Squee kneeled on the bed, extending his hands. Ten Band-Aids were clustered together over his palms. Johnny waved them away. "Nah, I'd probably lose them. I'll come back if I need anymore, 'K? See you later, Squee."

He ducked through the window and disappeared.

Squee dropped the Band-Aids to pick up Shmee from between the bed and the wall.

_Don't be so nice to him...he'll only hurt you._

"Shmee?" was all the teen could say. "...Are you sure?"

_He's clearly stalking you. Why else would he come all this way for a Band-Aid?_

"I don't know..." Squee gazed inquisitively out the window.

-----

Rev. MEAT didn't speak for the next two days, yet somehow, Johnny didn't seem to notice. It was just as well - whether the Burger Boy was right or wrong, he was still almost a reincarnation of Mr. Eff - meaning, he was not to be trusted. But as it stood, Johnny was focused on other things at that point in time. His mood was up, almost at the height of his manic mode. Normally he would have dreaded such joy, knowing what downward spirals would follow, but that afternoon, he was almost content...almost "happy," even.

He decided to go see a movie, ignoring the fact that the last two times he did so his experience was ruined by some obnoxious jerk-off who just HAD to remark on the predictability of the plot. Oh well, the third time's the charm...

After purchasing an array of snacks, he sat down in the front-row center seat. The film began within minutes.

Somehow, he could tolerate a vague amount of romance in the movies - after all, movies were also fake. Surely there was no shame in adding fiction to fiction...but then a giant dinosaur-creature came and bit the heads off the two Hollywood lovebirds on-screen, so it didn't matter either way.

About halfway through the movie, it happened - the slightest press against the back of Johnny's seat. He let it go through clenched teeth. _Must be someone trying to pass by..._

Nny stared at the screen again, engrossed in the current scene. The back of his seat jolted a second time, causing him to choke on the head of a gummy bear.

This time, Johnny spun around to face his tormentor, a teenager with a backwards ball cap and about six oversized metal necklaces that were obviously from a vending machine. He gave a snarky little snort-laugh and said, "What?"

"I don't like it when people kick my seat," Johnny mentioned with an edge of irritation.

"I didn't kick your seat," the bling kid snapped. "So turn your Gothic ass around and shut up." The girl in the large sweatshirt sitting next to him laughed.

Johnny rose to his full five-foot-nine height. "Are you accusing me of associating with those insects, who think Nine-Inch Heels is the greatest thing since tacos and that they have to be rejected by society to be accepted by their peers?" His left hand dug deep into the coarse fabric of the back of the seat. "WHY do you automatically assume that I am a 'Goth' merely because I happen to be wearing black today? Fffuuuck..." He gradually released the seat.

All of a sudden, a "real" Goth stood up and yelled, "Sit down, you fucking asshole!"

Johnny jerked his head in the direction of the new verbal attack. "What's that? 'Asshole'? Who are YOU calling a 'fucking asshole'?"

"Just sit down and shut up," a girl in the back yelled. "Some of us are trying to watch the movie."

"I'M trying to watch the movie! And NONE of you will grant me that pleasure! But I can't sit down again - I was too far into the movie to stop watching, but I stopped! Now it's too late - I missed everything! And I can't watch it over again, because then I'd just be watching the first part twice, and that wouldn't make sense...so, ladies and gentlemen, I'm afraid I'll have to punish you all..." He grinned maniacally in the theater light as he slid a long blade out from behind his back.

"Holy SHIT!" someone yelled.

"He's gonna kill us all!"

"Somebody put shit in my pants!"

"Oh, the humanity!"

"Why do the fucking sodas cost so MUCH?"

Oblivious to their cries, the homicidal maniac honed in on the instigator and deftly drove his knife into the thick flesh of both the bling guy and his girlfriend, then yanked the weapon out of their bodies with an upward jerk. He swung it backwards, severing the head of a pretty magenta-haired girl in the process. The bloodfest continued for the duration of the movie.

As the screen faded to black it was splattered with red, and by the time the credits started rolling even the guy managing the projector was slumped lifeless on the ground, impaled by a tripod.

Meanwhile, the ushers (who had just returned from a cigarette break) headed toward the particular room where Nny had failed to view his motion picture. As soon as they saw blood seep into the main hall, one cried out, "Mother of fuck! What is that?"

Johnny stepped out, drenched in the result of human hemorrhage, sipping a soda. "I want my money back."

The second usher gave the thin man a twenty without question. Johnny took it, pocketed it, and walked casually out the doors of the theater seconds before it blew sky high.

End of part five

* * *

Don't worry, parents - to achieve the theater massacre scene, we replaced the blood of all our actors with cherry cough syrup! Heh...no, seriously - if you're waiting for the romance to start, the process begins next chapter! The long, painful process...

animeninjaNIPPON


	6. Talk to Squee

By animeninjaNIPPON

The downward spiral that always followed Johnny's brief period of joy hit the very next day, as expected. He expressed his lament as he paced across one of his many torture chambers.

"Everyone's always trying to piss me off," he muttered, strolling past several incarcerated morons, including the greasy-haired jerk that tried to start up a road rage with him those three-odd weeks ago.

"Come on, Nny, anger can be good. Anger IS good. If you can feel anger, you can feel warmth. When you feel warmth, you'll be exposed to a new range of feelings that will allow you to LIVE..."

A quick, surprised spin allowed Johnny to see Rev. MEAT standing about five feet away. "When did you start moving?"

"You put me here yesterday."

Johnny's eyes narrowed. "Don't give me anymore of that 'feeling' bullshit, you...meat guy. Nothing good comes out of feeling anything - LOOK AT WHAT MY ANGER HAS DONE!" He threw his arm out to gesture toward the myriads of prisoners on the wall and in boxes, most of whom were unconscious.

"Then don't be ANGRY," Rev. MEAT continued, "although it appears to be sustaining you just fine. Try being happy - ecstasy has done a lot for you in the past...remember that girl?"

"SHUT UP!" Johnny covered his ears. "Don't you see? Everybody disgusts me! Even those that I cared about would have turned against me if I'd let them live!" His voice nearly cracked from the unnatural octave it reached.

"Not Squee...you let him live."

"He's just a kid. What would he know about my problems?"

"Not anymore, he's not. And judging by that bear he still sleeps next to, he probably has his own manifestations..."

How the Hell did Rev. MEAT know all of this? Could one's own inner demons sense the presence of those of other people?

"How do you..." Johnny began.

"Don't act surprised that I'm so well-informed about such things. I am a part of you. Cheese is good."

Johnny thought back to the other day when he thrashed his former neighbor's room while looking for a Band-Aid. The happy-faced wallpaper had been replaced by vertical gray-and-white stripes, but otherwise, it was the same old Squee... Suddenly, he remembered something Rev. MEAT had said about always being a slave to something. He looked at the Bub's Burger Boy statue straight on. "What the fuck would I talk to him about - monkeys?"

No answer.

"Hello? Reverend MEAT?"

The figure in question was gone.

"Unchain me, you skinny little shit!" a shirtless man yelled from the wall.

Nny plodded up the stairs. "God, I hate this..."

-----

The silhouette of a tall, lanky man lurked just outside of Squee's bedroom window. Johnny hadn't gone there because of Rev. MEAT, per se; he just wanted to be away from all those flies with their unyielding little minds. If nothing else, he could tell Squee about the movie he'd seen with the flesh-eating dinosaurs, up to the part where...or not.

He hoisted the glass up and stuck his head through the window. "Hey. Squee."

The petite figure that was Squee made a muffled noise and mumbled, "Shmee...you sound like Nny..."

"I am Nny." He spoke in a spooky Dracula voice.

"Huh?" That got the kid's attention. He sat up sleepily, rubbing one eye.

"Sorry to wake you up - I just wanted to make sure you weren't out indulging in some teenage wasteland. I don't want to see that sort of thing happen to you." Actually, he hadn't thought of a legitimate reason to be where he was, but what he said seemed plausible.

"I...I don't know." Squee was pretty sure he was dreaming.

Johnny leaned on the windowsill. "Yeah, well...umm...just making sure. I mean, you can easily be consumed by your hatred, and end up like..." Maybe it was Rev. MEAT's fault he was there with his old acquaintance...had he gone there of his own free will, he would have thought of something better to say.

Much to Nny's surprise, Squee saved the conversation. "I don't hate anybody. Not even my parents."

"Your parents..." Johnny repeated, trying to remember. "Oh. I see." He recalled hearing the boy's father giving a spiel on why he and Squee's mother hated their son. The conversation hadn't clicked at the time, but now it was starting to make sense.

"Sometimes Shmee thinks I should, though," Squee continued.

Johnny's eyes narrowed. "That bear speaks LIES! LIES, I tell you!" He turned to Squee, who stared back at him with wide-eyed shock. "Anyhow," he continued, "I have stuff to do - you probably have your own things to worry about, too, so I better go." He pulled away from the window. "Nice seeing you again."

He glanced back at the house one more time and saw Squee's head poking out the window. Johnny turned back around. "Hey, Squeegee, when's the last time you went to Taco Smell?"

"Uh...when I was fourteen, I think."

"Hmm, you need to get out more often. Have fun - OH DEAR GOD, it's MEAT again!" With that, he ran away screaming.

-----

_Dear Die-Ary, _he wrote yet again, _My original goal was to give up all need for feelings and desire, and other such excess. I wanted to grow cold. I wanted to forsake my want. Now I realize, I have failed. Maybe it's because I let other parts of my mind get to me, and now I must succumb to those unholy thoughts again. Suicide is pointless, seeing as there is no way for me to die. Until I find some way to completely eliminate my drive for emotional being, I suppose I'll go on the way I've been going on..._

Johnny put down his pen and looked up at the moon.

End of part six


	7. Taco Smell

By animeninjaNIPPON

Yet another Saturday afternoon set in over Todd Casil's house, and said teenager was all alone. His parents were doing whatever the fuck they did with their pathetic lives, and Squee sat on the floor in the middle of the living room flipping through channels on TV. He landed on one channel that was airing some show by Saban, which he disliked, and he turned off the TV in disgust. In the television's reflection, he saw the outlines of two oddly designed boots...

"Hello again," Johnny said as his younger counterpart turned around. "Come on, let's go get tacos."

"Tacos?" Squee repeated in confusion.

"Yeah - you haven't been to Taco Smell in a while. That's bad."

Squee was dumbfounded. So, all of a sudden, Johnny wanted to take him out for tacos - that was certainly a first. It wasn't as if Squee was in any position to argue, so he stood up to face Johnny (although he was nearly a foot shorter than the older man). "Yeah," he agreed.

"So...are you ready?"

"Um...I need my shoes." He ran to his bedroom to get them.

_Doesn't this seem suspicious to you?_

"But Shmee, he's being nice to me." Squee pulled his boots out of the closet.

_Why would he be? He's twice your age. Remember that man in the mall?_

"Nny's not...he killed that man!"

_He kills a lot of people...and you could be next._

Squee finished dressing and ran back to the living room. "OK, I'm ready."

"Let's go." Johnny went to the front door and opened it, but didn't hold it open long enough for Squee to get through. Squee caught the door before it closed completely, but by the time he got outside Johnny was already at his car.

"You can ride in the trunk," the taller man replied. "You'd fit perfectly..." He went to the driver's seat, then opened the opposite door from the inside. Squee just stood there in confusion, biting his nails.

"Come on, I was kidding," Johnny replied with a morbid little laugh that made Squee even more uncomfortable. "Get in."

Squee sat down anxiously, fastened his seat belt, and slammed the door. As they drove away, he wished he had brought Shmee...

-----

The Taco Smell was always crowded on Saturday afternoons, and that particular Saturday noon was no exception. Two bratty little kids were running around the restaurant, stopping only to rip out handfuls of their beleaguered mother's hair. A grotesquely obese man in a T-shirt that said "SHIT" across the front was eating a taco over a bald guy's head. Those were only some of the scenes that made Squee want to get the Hell out of there.

He stood in line behind Johnny, staring at the roaches that crawled across the sticky floor. Johnny ordered for him, a taco, it sounded like, but he wasn't really listening to anything. The two of them went to a nearby table and sat down opposite each other as they waited for their food to be prepared.

Unfortunately, trouble seemed to flock to Nny like flies to a pile of dog shit.

Johnny got up to get his order when it was called, leaving Squee to guard the table. When he returned, the negligent mother from earlier was standing next to Squee. "How could you leave your son alone like that?" she demanded, paying no heed to her own attention-deficit Hellspawn still terrorizing people in the background.

Johnny's eye twitched. "...Excuse me?"

"Where is this child's mother?" She directed a finger at Squee, who was shrinking below the table in embarrassment.

"Look lady," Johnny replied angrily, setting his tray down on the table, "first of all, he's not my kid. I would never put myself in a position where I could HAVE a kid. I HATE being touched! Second, you really ought to pay attention to your OWN damn children before pointing fingers at other people!"

"You have some nerve," she scoffed.

"I have nerve..." He grabbed his drink and squeezed it, causing the contents to explode everywhere. "I HAVE NERVE? All I wanted to do was eat a fucking taco with a friend, and I can't even do that because people are ALWAYS sticking their asses into shit that has nothing to do with them! Just ONCE, I'd like to DO something for myself without having to be bothered by you intestinal parasites!"

The entire Taco Smell clammed up and watched the thin man hurl his empty drink container at the cashier and storm out of the restaurant.

He opened up his car trunk, which contained various weapons and a spare tire. As he settled on a hammer, a crowbar, and a package of crazy straws, he turned around to find Squee behind him (by a safe six feet), holding the tray of tacos and the remaining soda. He wore an expression of fear mixed with apology.

Johnny glanced at Squee, then looked back at the restaurant, then reluctantly threw his tools back into the trunk and slammed it shut, leaning on it as he tried to regain the remains of his sanity. Sensing his companion's presence behind him, he mumbled in frustration, "I don't know why I even brought you here."

"I'm sorry," Squee said.

"Don't apologize!" Johnny snapped, then continued calmly, "...It's my fault. I...every time I try to do something normally, somehow, something always fucks it up." He sank slowly to the curb. "Now I'm complaining to you, as if you could POSSIBLY know what it's like..."

Squee sat down on the curb near Johnny.

"I probably ruined your day," Nny continued. "Shit."

"No," Squee disagreed.

Johnny turned sharply. "Don't LIE to me! I - fuck, see? It's happening again." He rested his head in his hand.

Squee took his soda and extended it to where Johnny could see it.

"Huh?" He looked at the drink, then to the boy who held it. "For me?" Squee nodded. Johnny took the drink, careful to avoid touching the teen's pallid hand. "Thanks..." He took a sip. "Wait - what about yours?"

"I don't need one," Squee answered.

"No," Johnny said, setting his soda on the curb. "I'll go back and get you a new one." Before Squee could protest, Nny was gone.

Five minutes later, Johnny came back with a small soda in one hand and a bloodied straw in the other. He handed the drink to Squee. "The place was pretty empty when I went in there...and it's even emptier now." He grinned a twisted smile. "I feel better already."

Squee ignored the splotches of blood on the older man's clothes and face, preferring to accept it for the moment if it made his friend happy. And Johnny _had _ used the term "friend..." But maybe it was an accident.

The two of them ate in the sunset, in complete silence. By the time they finished, the moon was out - bright, full, and cold. Squee shivered slightly, but Johnny seemed unphased by the sudden chill. In fact, he was rather engrossed in the moon; too preoccupied to be affected by anything... After a while, he gave a melancholy sigh as he realized where he was and whom he was with. When he looked back at Squee, he noticed the kid was drawing. "What's that?" he asked.

"Oh, it's nothing - I just draw sometimes." Squee held up the notebook, which contained a recently sketched picture of Nny gazing at the moon.

Nny smiled. "That's pretty good. I used to draw like that, too." He stood up and unlocked his car. "I guess I'd better take you home..."

"Thank you," Squee said as he stood up.

"Eh? For what?"

"For taking me to Taco Smell."

"Oh, sure...you're...welcome." Johnny had no idea why the kid would be grateful for that fucked-up day, but whatever... "All right, Squeegee, let's get you out of here."

End of part seven


	8. Death of a Figment

By animeninjaNIPPON

Johnny stomped into his house at about 1am, and for once, Rev. MEAT didn't put his two cents in. In fact, Johnny couldn't find Rev. MEAT anywhere, but it was just as well, since he'd forgotten where he'd put the statuette anyway. He reached for his Die-Ary, then after a second thought picked up a stack of "Happy Noodle Boy" comics and began working on those.

It wasn't long after that when Nny heard that voice again. "Tell me how it went."

"Not now," Johnny mumbled.

"Don't you want to relay your information while you can still remember it clearly?"

"I want nothing. I have nothing."

"Wrong. You have feeling, like any other person. It is what drives humanity, you know."

Johnny looked up. "Where are you, anyway?"

"Don't try to change the subject! Besides, I am a part of you, remember? The part of you that feels every sensation - soap in your eyes, wind in your hair, the beating of your heart at the sight of a lover - "

"Excess! Only excess; that's all you ever talk about!" Nny stood up. "I don't want to hear about your filthy desires!"

"Those desires are yours, not mine." Rev. MEAT stepped out into the open.

Nny glared in anger and slight surprise. "You've become another one of the doughboys..."

"No I haven't," Rev. MEAT argued. "They grew away from you. But I'm still a part of you - I AM you!"

"You're NOT!"

"I am another version of you, Nny - I am you as you should be, functioning as you should be."

"STOP!" Johnny cried. "You are NOTHING, ESPECIALLY if you claim to be me! I am nothing to no one!"

"You're something to Squee. You're a friend to that boy. And you are a slave to - "

"DIE!"

Johnny brandished a kitchen knife, stained maroon from past slayings, and drove it deep into Rev. MEAT's plastic head.

The Big Boy statue chuckled. "You can't get rid of me. I've been with you for too long. Even if I fall silent, you'll still be a slave to something."

"I'm free," Johnny argued. "You hear me? Answer me, dammit!"

Silence.

"Answer me!"

"Nny..." called a strangely familiar voice.

"That voice...I know it."

"Don't you remember? You heard me before..."

"You... I know you..."

"Don't listen to him, Nny. He's only trying to steal your existence."

Johnny gasped. "You're...You're..."

The voice fell silent again.

"NailBunny..."

Everything faded to black.

End of part eight


	9. Same Old Squee?

By animeninjaNIPPON

Squee got home at midnight, much to his mother's disappointment. "Oh, you came back."

He pretended not to hear her harsh remark as he trudged to his room, slamming his bedroom door behind him. He felt rather lightheaded, though from the surreal experience that afternoon or from sheer fatigue, it was impossible to tell.

"Goodnight, Shmee," he whispered as he crawled into bed, slowly lowering his eyelids. His eyes flew open again as he noticed that his bear had remained silent. "Shmee?"

He thought he heard Shmee respond, but by this time, his thoughts were scrambled with slumber.

-----

Save for the occasional agonizing scream, house 777 was rather muted the following day.

When Johnny came to, he could remember nothing. "What the fuck happened..." He glanced around. Rev. MEAT was in his spot next to the 8-Ball, with a large slice mark in the center of his head. The figure gave no response, and Johnny assumed that he'd finally fallen silent.

Silent...

"I'm...free?"

He glanced to the left and right, skeptical of the concept of freedom. No, it was too good to be true. He had been a slave for so long...

To celebrate, he sat down and watched TV.

There wasn't much to watch on a Sunday afternoon, so Johnny found himself more entertained by his own thoughts. Well, he would be if his thoughts weren't so confusing...

_Squeegee...not like the rest of the mindless population._

_He gave me his drink. That was nice of him - but why? No one is ever nice to me without wanting something in return..._

_That's it! He wants something from me... He _is _like the rest...only wanting what I don't have to give - _

_NO! Not him! He's not like that! He wouldn't - couldn't - _

_Not Squee...he's just - Squee. He's probably only acting that way so I won't kill him - _

_NO! I could never hurt him! He's so...innocent. Everything I could never be._

"I can't take this shit!" Johnny put his hands over his head in an attempt to stop the flow of disjointed contemplation. He wished his manifestations would come back for a moment - as long as it wasn't his own voice making those horrid statements, as long as he could put a different face on them, maybe it wouldn't bother him as much. He stood up abruptly. "I'm going to go kill that pretzel vendor at the mall."

-----

The mall...he hadn't been there in a while, if ever actually inside. Johnny could only recall that one time when Squee was there...that incidence made him sick. There was an unwritten rule among homicidal maniacs, it was said - no matter how brutal or disgusting their crimes, they never did stuff to their mothers and they never did stuff to children. Johnny couldn't dredge up a single instance in which he had done either (not that he tried to think back); all he knew was, he never hurt Squee. He never had the urge to do such a thing...but there were others that did, and Johnny tried to warn the kid about those people. It was all he could do to prevent Squee from becoming like him.

Johnny stepped into the mall through the automatic doors, impressed with how large the interior of the building was. Once inside, he kept to one side of the mall, musing to himself, "Now, where's that pretzel guy?"

He looked to the opposite side of the mall, where a large art supply store was located next to the Snot Topic. All of a sudden, someone familiar stepped out, looking towards the ground in thought...

End of part nine


	10. Deja Vu

By animeninjaNIPPON

The person in question looked up suddenly, shaking her purple pigtails. She apparently didn't see Johnny, but he saw her...

"Devi."

He started walking toward her, then stopped in the middle of the mall. Would she remember him after all those years? Had she found someone else?

Did he really want to know?

It was too late to think about that now - he was walking again...

She looked in his direction at last, and her demeanor turned cold. "Oh God..."

"Devi...?" he repeated.

All her memories came flooding back to her - even after all that therapy, she still harbored much resentment. "Johnny."

"Hi..." he said shyly.

"Likewise." She seemed to be biting back the impulse to projectile vomit. "So...what's new?"

"Huh? Oh, nothing." He glanced around nervously. "...You?"

"What?"

"What about you?"

"I just sold some of my paintings at an art gallery...and, that's pretty much it." She glanced at her wrist, though Johnny couldn't see a watch on it. "I should go."

"Wait...where are you going?"

"Home," she replied bluntly, walking away. Johnny followed suit. "I was going to clean out my fridge. I haven't in almost a month."

"Really..." Johnny followed her out of the mall. "That's interesting."

"No, it's not." She kept on walking, wondering if there was some way she could lose him without creating a scene in front of the passers-by, which was becoming increasingly tempting.

"I don't know..." He shrugged casually. "Sometimes really spooky things can grow in there."

"I don't want to find spooky things in my fridge." Devi was gradually losing patience. She looked at her wrist again, and that time Johnny caught a glimpse of her purple plastic wristwatch.

That was odd...he was getting nothing out of being near Devi. Perhaps he had finally won his battle against feelings. Had he truly obliterated all of his affections for the purple-haired woman in front of him?

"I have to go." Without so much as simple goodbye, he took off in the opposite direction, epiphany reflecting in his eyes.

"I did it... I'm no longer a slave."

-----

That night, as Squee got ready for bed, Shmee spoke to him:

_Don't wait up for the homicidal maniac._

"I don't know what you mean..." Squee stated in confusion.

_Trust me, Todd, you'll never see him again._

"Isn't that a good thing? I thought you said he was a bad man."

_He is...but he won't come back, so don't worry._

"How do you know for sure?"

_Because, he doesn't need you anymore. You're not that little kid that used to live next door to him and give him Band-Aids anymore; you're - _

"Who are you talking to?" Squee's dad yelled. "Shut up - I'm trying to work in here!"

Squee immediately dove under the covers. It wasn't the first time he'd gotten in trouble for talking too loudly to Shmee, and he needed to be careful or else his parents might take Shmee away.

As he eased into a comfortable position, he wondered if perhaps Shmee was wrong about Johnny, just this once.

-----

"MEAT was wrong...I can become cold...like the moonlight that illuminates my broken window..."

Nny was lying apathetically in the middle of the floor.

"Human nature's so predictable."

"MEAT?" Nny sat up abruptly. "I thought I killed you..."

"What's real can't die. I'm part of you."

"NailBunny told me about you..." He glanced up at a photograph of the deceased rabbit's head. "You ARE trying to steal my existence, aren't you?"

"What are you going to do about it?"

Johnny leaned over, reached under his couch, and pulled out a handgun. "I'm going to kill myself, and eliminate the whole universe by doing so, thus proving that I care for nothing."

Rev. MEAT's voice grew weary. "You wouldn't do that - you know I'm right."

Johnny pressed the gun to his temple.

"You wouldn't do it...you can't..."

CLICK. The release was down.

"This scenario seems familiar..."

The doorbell rang. With a groan of frustration, Johnny dropped his gun and went to answer it.

"Do you mind?" he yelled as he opened the door. "I'm trying to commit suicide in here. Shit, now I can't remember why I wanted to kill myself... What do you want?"

The pompous businessman in the pinstriped suit on the other side of the door replied arrogantly, "I'm selling health insurance at a discount price - "

"Fuck," Johnny interrupted, "you ruined what I was going to do! The point that I was trying to prove!" He grabbed the businessman by the shirt and hauled him into the house. "You'll have to substitute!"

End of part ten


	11. Desire

By animeninjaNIPPON

"Squeegee." Johnny tapped on the teen's windowsill to wake him.

No answer.

"Squee...wake up." He leaned over the bed. The blankets were rumpled, but the teenaged boy was gone. In the distance, a toilet flushed. Ten minutes later, a tenor voice gasped, "Nny!"

"I need a Band-Aid or two. Funny story - I was trying to kill myself, but some health insurance guy comes along, and I figured I'd kill him instead." He looked up at Squee, who was still standing near the door. "He put up one Hell of a fight."

"Shmee said you wouldn't come back," Squee mused, moving toward his dresser and opening the top drawer. He pulled out a box of Band-Aids and a tube of Bactine.

"Well, I wasn't really planning on it, but - " Nny stopped short when he saw Squee recreate that look he had outside the Taco Smell the other day. "What?"

"Why - umm, never mind." Squee stared at his feet.

"No, tell me."

"Nothing; it's not my business..." He handed the medical items to the thin man perched on the windowsill.

"TELL ME!" Johnny squeezed the insides out of the tube. Squee jumped slightly.

"Why did you want to kill yourself?"

That sounded somewhat like the Squee Johnny knew from almost ten years ago - that same childlike inquisitiveness he hadn't seen in ages. "Reverend MEAT wants me to give in to the forces of FEELING," he stated, knowing well that the kid wouldn't understand. "I don't want to have those kind of...motivations." He painstakingly peeled the backing off a Band-Aid and placed it over the cut on his forehead. "I mean, you shouldn't be ashamed of your desires, but as for me, they've only caused me to do sick and terrible things."

"I never have that problem," Squee mentioned sadly. "Not that I know of, anyway. Nobody loves me, and I don't really love anybody, so I don't really think about it..."

Applying a final Band-Aid to his cheek, Nny replied, "You're not...cold, are you? I mean, as unfeeling as I strive to be?"

"I...well, I care about things, I guess...so, no." Squee sat down on his bed, contemplating that question himself. Did he really have no desires?

"Like what?"

"Umm...my parents. They hate me, but I still care about them. I don't know why... Shmee - I care about Shmee..." He fidgeted with the hem of his nightshirt. "I care about...you... I give you Band-Aids, and - "

"You WHAT?" The last phrase Squee uttered caused Johnny's eyes to go as wide as the moon behind him. What do you mean, you care about me?"

"You're nice to me - Shmee says you're bad, but you're never bad to me." An audible fear was unfolding in Squee. "You're the only one who's nice to me - even Shmee is mean sometimes, when he tells me to burn the house down, and everyone at skool yells at me, and..." He nervously twisted his shirt around his hands and unwound it.

There was a long moment of silence before Johnny finally said, "You're...different. You're not like those other people - you don't make me want to kill you. Hmm..." He rested his chin on his hand as he thought something over. "Do you like monkeys? I like monkeys."

"Yeah..." Squee answered, unsure what that last comment really meant. He shifted slightly to see Johnny better.

"Well, I have to go - those cheerleaders won't dismember themselves...or maybe they will." He got up off the windowsill. "Good night, Squee. And watch out for hobos." He closed the window and left the teen alone in the room. Well, almost alone...

_You betrayed me...you're telling him things..._

"No...I never said anything bad - I swear..."

_Don't get too attached to Johnny. _Squee noted that the bear used the maniac's real name rather than his nickname.

"You said he wouldn't come back...are you lying to me?"

_Why would I lie to you? I didn't think he would come back...and you heard him - he was going to commit suicide. He doesn't want you to care for him. If you care, he won't care for you back. He said so - he doesn't want to feel. And he doesn't feel. He doesn't care._

Two tears hit Squee's moonlit hand. "I think he does..."

-----

_Dear Die-Ary, _Nny recorded once again, _I know it is possible to feel no love but still care, to feel no hatred but still detest, to feel no urge but still feel pain... I know someone who makes this possible. He is me, as I should be, how I was before the shit overflowed in the toilet of life._

_I still know of nothing that I love, and nothing that loves me, but I cannot turn off any feelings that I have in this case. Nor can I save any moment I feel this way, for to destroy any part of that innocence would be to destroy the very thing that keeps me sane...whatever that is. It's too fucking complex for me to describe in simple terms._

_It seems so fucking ironic that someone can be so close, yet so far away... Oh my God, that's a line from a movie or something._

Johnny listened for the voices he had grown so accustomed to, but only the white noise from the television echoed through the room. "Now's my chance," he whispered.

End of part eleven


	12. Spirits of the Past

By animeninjaNIPPON

With the agility of a cat, Johnny sprang from his seat. He picked up an empty cardboard box and, in one sweeping motion, gathered every single item on the nearest shelf into the box. He didn't bother looking at his collection, but he knew Rev. MEAT's empty vessel was amongst the junk. When the box was full, he carried it out to his car and threw it into his trunk. Without so much as an afterthought, he hopped into the driver's seat and took off.

-----

Another glorious day of Higher Education-Level Learning dragged on, and by the time it let out, Squee was ready to drop. His late-night conversation with his unlikely friend had drained him pretty badly, too, and he couldn't help wondering if Johnny had gone through with the attempt to end his life.

When he got home, he flopped onto his bed with his Economics book. He opened it up to the chapter he was instructed to read, but fell asleep before he could even glance at the first paragraph.

For the first time in God knows how long, Squee remembered his nightmare clearly. Those aliens were back...the ones he saw those many years ago, who abducted his parents... Shmee was there, only briefly before Squee found himself at the Taco Smell again...

He realized it was only a dream, but what made it so terrifying was that he couldn't move to get out of it. He tried to scream, but he couldn't make a sound - quite conversely, he was losing his breath. Air was trapped in his lungs; he was slowly suffocating. He tried to move again - aha! One hand was free.

He felt around until he grabbed what appeared to be his Econ book, and with all the strength he could muster, hurled it in a random direction. One last glimpse of that one ghost girl invaded his eyesight before the distant crash awoke him for real.

With a choking gasp, he sat up straight. "Shmee...where are you?"

_I'm right here, Todd, where I always am._

"I had a bad dream...I couldn't breathe."

_It was him...I told you not to trust him._

"No," Squee squeaked, "that's impossible! Unless he was a ghost out for revenge, or...no..."

Was it really Nny's ghost? That would mean...

Nny was dead.

But if he was, why the Hell would he be strangling his only actual friend? Of course, knowing him, it made sense; but to innocent little Squee, there was no logical explanation.

Picking up Shmee, the semi-distraught adolescent climbed out of the window into the orange-hued twilight.

_What are you doing?_

"I...want a brainfreezy." He had just enough change in his pockets to prove his point.

He ventured down the empty streets, illuminated by the glow of artificial twilight, in search of the 24/7. He figured a brainfreezy would be nice at that time, but he really went in hopes of seeing Johnny - not so much to talk to him, but to make sure he wasn't a vengeful ghost or whatever.

Squee came to an intersection. The 24/7 waited directly across from where he stood. He pressed the little button and waited for the signal to change.

Out of nowhere, a silver Mercedes-Benz swerved onto the sidewalk. The non-visible driver was screaming "SHIT SHIT SHIT I can't stop! SHIIIIIT!" at the top of his lungs, heading straight for Squee.

The boy gave the cry of his namesake as he dropped Shmee and scrambled to get out of the way...

The car crashed into the signal head-on. A stream of blood leaked from the car to meet the worn teddy bear...

End of part twelve

* * *

Don't worry, that's not the end...but what is to come of this? Stay tuned to find out! 


	13. A Good Person

By animeninjaNIPPON

Johnny slouched across his sofa in front of the television, eating chips. He had returned home only an hour ago, after dumping his box of broken memories over a cliff (along with the remains of that health insurance jerk he killed the other day) and decided to bask in the glow of the electronic box with actual rabbit ears after his long journey.

"Scumby," whined the voice on TV, "I don't think - "

"We interrupt this children's show to bring you some breaking news that nobody really gives a flying fuck about," a TV reporter guy suddenly cut in.

"Damn!" Johnny swore. "Always during the good parts!"

"An automobile accident, right outside the local convenience store," the reporter continued. "Some kid in a striped shirt was standing on the corner or something, and then that car over there - " he pointed to the wreck " - slammed into that pole, and... holy shit that's a lot of blood...wait, can I still say 'shit' on live TV?" His eyes shifted back and forth. "Anyhow, we haven't recovered the bodies yet, but we found this...uh, bear..." One of the cops held up a blood-soaked Shmee with a pair of kitchen tongs.

The bag of Senor Salsa chips fell to the floor...

"Fuck...it can't - can't be..."

All that time wasted on avoiding feeling...That failed goal Johnny was finally no longer Hell-bent on achieving...had just fucked him over.

-----

Rain hit the roof of Johnny's "Heaven House," which at the moment was anything but. The depressed maniac was lying in the center of the first floor of his house, listening to the sound of distant thunder and writing in his Die-ary.

_So it has come to pass that I have nothing left to feel for. It makes sense - it always ends up like this for me...fucked. Just fucked._

_But what can I say? I still have my memories...and that's all I ever wanted - something good._

_All the same, I wish I had something better._

The rain poured even harder, much like it did that night he was reaquainted with -

The doorbell rang. Johnny ignored it. Five minutes later, it rang again. Reluctantly, he got up, taking a sharp pointy object with him.

He cracked the door slightly and peered outside. "Yes?"

"...Nny..."

Johnny'se eyes widened in fear and shock. He dropped his unidentified weapon behind him and opened the door. "...Squeegee..."

"Nny...you're OK." The saucer-eyed youth clutched his rain-drenched body in aversion to the cold.

"Yeah..." Johnny glanced away awkwardly. "...What are you doing here?"

"I was on my way to the 24/7, and this car came..." Squee rubbed his arms. "The man in the car...I think he died. He ran over Shmee."

Nny stepped to the side. "Uh...come in."

"Thanks." Squee trudged into the older man's house, looking around in awe. The main room looked pretty vacant, save for a TV, a couch, and some papers on the floor. He just stood there, dripping rainwater onto the bloodstained floor. Johnny closed the door behind him.

"So...I heard about you on one of those stupid news briefs that always interrupt the good shows."

"It was scary...I thought I was going to die." Squee hugged his body tightly and shivered. "I'm cold..."

"I'm not really affected by weather." Johnny collapsed onto the couch. "Or anything else, for that matter."

"You...don't feel cold? Ever?"

"I don't like to feel things. Especially touch."

"I've never been touched in any way, so I don't know what it's like..." Squee stared at the floor and the puddle his soggy clothes made. "...To be hugged, or held, or anything. Sometimes I wonder, though..."

Johnny sat up straight, then put his chin on his hand. "It's sick. The feeling is so empty and meaningless. It may feel wonderful during the exact moment the interaction takes place, but when the sensation goes away, it takes away from you. The only way to fill that void is to keep repeating and repeating...until there's nothing left."

"Oh..."

"Hey, I don't mean to bring you down...that's just what I know." Johnny got up and disappeared briefly into another room and came out bearing a blanket, which he tossed to the shivering dark-haired teen. "But you don't think that way, do you?"

"Not really." Squee wrapped the blanket around his petite frame.

"People unaware they're bleeding..." Nny seemed to trail off on some inner tangent.

"What?"

"Nothing." Nny went back to the couch but didn't sit down.

Another period of quiet ensued. Johnny put his hands behind his back.

Squee broke the silence. "Nny...do you care about me?"

End of part thirteen


	14. Don't Let Go

By animeninjaNIPPON

Nny looked at his younger companion. "I...I do care." He didn't realize it until he said so himself, but he did care. Because he did, he figured Squee was entitled to the truth. "When I care, and I know someone else cares for me back...then I have to freeze that moment."

"What do you mean?"

"When something beautiful starts..." Johnny stared down at his feet. "...I have to keep that moment in my mind...immortalize it. If I don't, it will deteriorate into something old and bitter. Like with Devi... I didn't kill her, and now we have nothing."

"You're...you're going to kill me?" Squee's voice got higher.

Johnny nodded. "I don't want to - but I have to...before you turn on me, too. You like me now, and I like you, and I want it to stay that way."

Inevitable tears slid down the small teen's pale face.

"But..." Johnny went on. "But this time, I don't have the motivation to do that. I can't hurt you. You're the one good thing left in this world for me. God, I sound like one of those songs they never stop playing in the Taco Hell..." When he picked his head up, Squee was standing in front of him, eyes still misty.

"I don't know what to say. I want to..."

"To what? To...leave?" Johnny's disappointment was evident on his face. "Then go...I won't stop you. I'll just obliterate what's left of my feeling. Then you won't have to be bothered by me anymore for Band-Aids and stuff." He sat down.

"No...I want to stay." Tears rolled down again. Squee sat down on the opposite end of the couch.

"Squee..." Nny reached out a hand to Squee, then pulled back in hesitation. Touch would ruin everything. "What's your real name?"

Squee smiled. "Todd."

"Todd." Nny smiled back. "I remember now...I like 'Squee' better."

"Me too."

Johnny leaned back against the couch, noticing that the television was off for a change. Suddenly, he felt something warm over his hand...

Squee had placed his hand over Nny's subconsciously. When he realized what he had done, he recoiled nervously. Instead of lashing out, Johnny tentatively reached out and gently brushed Squee's shoulder. "So, you want to stay with me?"

The younger of the two nodded. "Can I? My parents won't miss me, and everyone at skool hates me... Besides, I'm almost an adult."

Nny frowned. "That's not good...a kid's got to have an education..."

The rain outside beat against the roof and loose soil even harder than before.

"Well, I don't want to go out there again...it's cold...and now it's dark."

Johnny smiled again. "Well, we'll figure something out... As for right now...stay."

This wasn't the power of FEELING, of that Johnny was sure. At least, not in the way Rev. MEAT spoke of it. But wasn't it Rev. MEAT himself who said, "What's real can't die"?

Johnny closed his eyes. "This is nice..."

End of part fourteen

End of story

* * *

And that concludes Distant Proximity. I know, a little inconclusive...but it kinda leaves room for a possible sequel... Anyhoo, hope you enjoyed!

animeninjaNIPPON


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